It’s after 8:00am and I’m still wide awake. I mean, since yesterday. I have insomnia. I’ve often heard the saying, “Sleep is overrated.” Try going three days without it or averaging 4-5 hours of sleep a night for 44 years and let me know if it’s still underrated. Millions of people suffer from insomnia for any number of reasons. It becomes more common with age, but I’ve had insomnia since I was a teenager.
On the plus side, I can get a lot done at night. It’s quiet. No distractions or social obligations. As a creative person and an introvert who needs plenty of alone time to recharge, my energy surges around midnight, peaks between 2:00-4:00am, and doesn’t wane until later in the morning. Late at night, creative ideas appear from nowhere. I find that I can focus and direct my thoughts more easily. Everything appears crisp and clear. The downside is that the rest of society operates on a one size fits all schedule.
Circadian rhythms, or chronotypes, vary from person to person, and are hereditary. My father and his mother were often up late at night. Dad doing a crossword. Gramma sitting in front of the TV eating cornmeal mush to soothe her stomach ulcers. My mom’s side of the family were all early risers. If you weren’t up by 6:00am you were considered lazy. For that reason, I used to feel shame about being a night owl. (Shakespeare was apparently the first to use the phrase “night owl” to describe a person, and often with negative or ominous connotations.) But what’s the difference whether you work 8 hours at night or during the day? Factory productivity, police, firefighters, EMTs, and hospitals depend upon employment during all three shifts. I may not be saving lives or producing widgets, but I consider myself a third shift worker, nonetheless.
I’ve learned that CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) can greatly affect sleep patterns. For those with CPTSD (caused by chronic, long-term trauma), insomnia is more common and severe than in those with PTSD stemming from a single event. This leads to a largely unconscious hypervigilance, a constant scanning of the immediate environment for potential threats. The vulnerability felt when lying down to sleep instinctually heightens wariness, or even outright fear for the same reason our dog always sleeps with his head facing the door of his crate. When sleeps in the bed, he faces the bedroom door. I share the same instincts. I sleep much easier with my wife beside me than when alone.
It can be embarrassing, as it was when I recently shared a hotel room in New York with a friend. I’ve known him a long time and fully trust him, but I slept easier when he was awake, and thus, my reptilian brain believes, capable of defending against any (imaginary) threat. He understands and accepts this about me, of course, so he was cool about shopping for vinyl and checking out coffee shops until I arose from my slumber midday.
Whether it’s CPTSD or my circadian rhythm at work, I want to make the most of the situation, so making hay while the moon shines is what I’ll do.